slo-motion

That's me today. I am shucking all responsibility today, save for laundry, and immersing myself in the simplest of moments and pleasures, I'm surrendering myself to calm. Here's my day so far...

Woke up when my body told me to. Made some fresh coffee and saw my sister off to work. I crawled into my bed and drank the coffee in a mug I found at my parents' house, in the basement. It is from Jerusalem, and I like to think my mother bought it when she and my father were on their honeymoon there. I don't know the story behind the mug, but it's hers, and it makes me believe the coffee will taste better in something she held. I watched an Italian movie and marvelled at the scenery I only briefly experienced three hot summers ago in flip-flops and the fear of a lone traveller. It was three hours long, and I took a break to make food.

When it was done, I read a review of it on the internet, I love Roger Ebert, he says what I wish I knew how to articulate, and you feel full reading it, like you've just eaten exactly the right amount and can now put aside all thoughts of hunger. I took a shower, and bent down to touch my toes and watch the water splatter on my feet. I imagined I was kissing someone, because kissing in the shower is oh-so sweet. I stayed in there as long as I wanted to, long enough to relax, not long enough to get water-wrinkled. And I realized in there, that I must abandon everything, save laundry, on my to-do list today, because today, I am my own girl. I am at no one's beck and call. I am not immersed in the repressed saddness of caring for my mother, nor am I at the pet store, hauling bags of litter and dog food around, waiting for minutes to go by.

I'm going to get dressed now, and put on my make-up, like I'm going to a party, only I'm just going to the video store. Later, I'll walk up to an out-of-the-way grocery store, and buy my sister those Matsu apples she likes so much. Afterwards, I'm going to meet my best friend for dinner, and I have a new magazine that we will devour for dessert, with imaginary, unlimited budgets, and movie-star boyfriends.

I'm going to read the paper while I wait for my clothes to dry, and work on a few more pieces of writing. 'Cause all that matters right now is not a heck of a lot.

Me. Today, it's all about me.